The Key to Million Smiles

Many a times all it takes is a slight shift in perspective to follow through with our intentions and fulfill desires. Otherwise the robotic everyday life and its whirlpool of regular chores never ceases to consume us every moment.

One intention we all harbor is 'Making a Difference or Touching Lives' but unable to act due to perceived lack of time. This planet, the world, poverty, the underprivileged, the elderly and the homeless cross our mind frequently. We do grab sporadic opportunities to contribute our bit but the results are a mere fraction of our true potential. Besides, it isn't sustainable unless we dive in leaving everything aside. 

So, how do we maximize and sustain the impact we so dearly intend? The answer again lies in our perspective. We must 'tweak' it to do two things:

(i) Dissociate 'Make a Difference or Touching Lives' from 'People-in-Distress'
(ii) Spread awareness and inspire others to help sustain the change. This topic is for next post.

i. Change the way we look at 'Make a Difference' 

If we analyze aforesaid thoughts crossing our mind, and many more like them, they have a pattern. They mostly relate to problems, unfortunate people, their misery and even helplessness. But is touching lives just about helping people-in-distress? We can and must do it in everyday life with ORDINARY people too - family, friends, relatives, colleagues and customers. It is with them we spend most of our life and hence can make the biggest difference. 

How we approach and engage ourselves in everything we do creates profound impact on the world around and in us. At the end, how well we have lived our lives will also be defined by this simple fact. Lack of time is not the constraint, lack of perspective and attitude is.

The short true story here is all about how 'Perspective and Attitude' help touch countless lives. Sometimes we won't even realize the extent of its impact. 

Tale of Young Ordinary Lives

In the monsoon of 1992, I, among a flock of over 300 youngsters, had landed on the outskirts of a small town in Southern India to earn our Engineering degrees!! Travelling 1000s of miles away from home, many of us had left the security of family for the first time in our lives.

In last two decades, whenever I have dusted that 4 year-window for a quick peek, a person has always smiled past it vividly reminding me of his impact in my life, and probably in lives of thousands others!! 

The Acknowledgement
It was my second week in college. Ragging had already crushed our excitement. With fear in the heart, weary eyes, disturbed mind and occasionally red cheeks, hell couldn't be worse than this, so I thought. One afternoon, as I was leaping up the curved stairway of our hostel floors, there he was, dressed in khaki uniform, descending one step at a time. Wearing plastic 'rain-shoes', black-framed (or brown?) glasses and no cap, he was in his 50s. Oozing incredible calmness, his wrinkled eyes and soft smile seemed to acknowledge the storm in my world. 

"Any letter for me, room 63?", I asked hesitantly. Pausing in his steps, he dug into a hand-held bundle and took a while before signalling with a polite shake of the head. "Can you check the bag?," I pointed to the one suspended around his shoulder. "No, it isn't there either", was the quick response before his voice was buried in the cacophony of others who, like me, had surrounded him by then. Until that moment, I had never realized the value of a postman. 

A Glimmer of Hope(s)
In the following years, the way he would interact and serve us, his customers, it seemed as if this was the only thing he ever wanted to do. He merrily walked the campus with our load and would often be stopped for inquiries about mail. I never saw him declining such ad-hoc requests. In those early 90s, when even land-lines, let alone mobiles, were true luxury in small towns, he was our hope. And he never let it dim by happily flipping the bundled-letters for us, even if we had received one the day before. 

Somewhere along our journey, we voluntarily started 'tipping' him upon receiving a check or money-order. If we collected it from post office after a missed delivery, we would leave the tip for him with his colleagues.

He seemed to understand and realize what we all longed for. It wasn't a piece of hand-written paper but a subtle assurance that, yes, it would arrive one day. And that he communicated splendidly without words - a smile followed by his polite shake of the head. Indeed a man of few words!! He was living up to his job - Deliver Letters - in a way that would make thousands like me cherish his memories for rest of their lives. 

The Last Day
The whole college knew about it. He arrived in same slow steady steps, smile and happiness of contentment. This time, however, we were shaking hands with him, for the the first and last time ever. There wasn't even a hint of today being his last day. Few good Samaritans ran collection-campaign, a gesture of our collective THANK YOU.

Another postman replaced him for remaining few months (or an year?). He too lived up to his job description - Deliver Letters. I have no memories of him. None whatsoever.

Knock at the Door
I had graduated now and was based in Mumbai with already an year into my job. Hopping through TV channels on a hot Saturday afternoon, the noise and my frustration was interrupted by shrillness of the bell. Dragging myself to the door, I opened it to receive someone whom I had never seen all year round. 

"I am your postman, Diwali Baksheesh please". 
Welcome to Mumbai, and this World!! This is how we live!!

Wholesome Living and Health

Three golden rules drive longevity and health of cars universally: (a) Regular Service (b) Drive at least once a week and (c) Good quality fuel. For our owned cars, we follow them almost 100%. For rented cars, however, we flout them 100% and don't care. The very same rules govern the longevity and physical health of humans too. How far do we go in following them for ourselves? Is our concern for our health a reflection of an owned or a rented car? 

Body - The Trigger for Change

Body is what we think of when the topic is health. Though it is the most common trigger for our lifestyle change, we give a damn to the golden rules. For years, we drive it from one parking place to another with least effort and discomfort, never really mindful of what we eat. Only when it breaks down or warns us (medical reports), we pause and contemplate some 'action'. And what do we do? We enroll in a gym, make advance payments (for commitment) and try altering our eating habits. Body, accustomed to luxurious living, is now dragged ruthlessly to gym and is deprived of its favourite delicacies. This 'punishment' style of ushering a change works by forcing it into submission. Does it last beyond a month or two? 

Sustaining the Change - Will Power or Love?

The problem is our approach and source of motivation (WHY). While our motivation/WHY is to fix reports fast, the approach is like one time project. Initiating lifestyle change is easy but sustaining it is a challenge. We rely on our will-power to keep going. It does propel us out of inertia but how long can it support something we don't love? Sound health is not a onetime task. Inactivity of a period can't be compensated by hyper-activity in another. 

For lasting change, we need to weave our plans around what we love to make it a routine than a strenuous effort. A good plan respects body, has variety and emphasizes on awareness/check-ups. It starts slow and builds on, eventually engaging for 20+ minutes at a stretch. Does it mean our short walk or taking stairs is a waste? No. Our 'WHY' is an active lifestyle. We don't turn into an active human being at the stroke of 'T' hrs every day. Such activities help internalize the change and develop a passion for good health. So go for them. Few other tips are:

1. Don't rely solely on gym. It is just one of the alternatives. 

2. Don't push yourself too hard. Skip a day or two if feel like. Don't feel guilty.

3. Adopt different forms of exercises - dance, climbing stairs, jogging, cycling, skipping, sports, playing with kids, brisk walk, swimming and many more. Learn a skill, if you don't know.

4. Choose an exercise partner. It will keep you going. I was inspired and encouraged by my college friend Rohan and I still follow his words more than a decade-and-half later.

5. A fixed exercise time is helpful but not critical. 

Welcome Healthy Food

Body is as healthy as the food it digests. An active lifestyle can't undo the harm of regular unhealthy food we indulge in at parties, office, malls or even home. Avoid the swing from addiction to complete abstinence as it also relies on will-power and won't last long. To develop healthy eating habit:

1. A mindful occasional indulgence is OK. Complete abstinence is cruelty to taste buds. 

2. Become aware of the quality of your eatables, what is and is not healthy.

3. Observe your eating patterns and their occasions/context. 

4. Pre-empt your indulgence or its impact by eating healthy snack before such occasions. You won't eat something, however delicious, when you are not hungry.

5. Consciously adopt regular light meals/snacks to minimize the opportunities to slip.

Regular exercise and healthy diet keeps our body fit. But is that enough?

Mind and Heart

Mind and heart are the other two aspects to wholesome living. Mind controls our thoughts which impact how we feel. By clinging to experiences, it creates illusion of busyness, lack of time, conflict in priorities and feelings of stress. Exercise is a stress buster and cleanses the mind. Ability to 'Let Go' opens it up to new perspectives and unlocks time. Learning new skills, self-belief and being creative even in mundane tasks keeps it abuzz with healthy thoughts. 

Heart refers to the relationship we share with loved ones and others around us. Our loved ones are our support and wish two things from us - TIME and ATTENTION. So, organize your exercise schedule involving them. Express gratitude regularly for their love and concern. Think beyond self and adopt conscious kindness. Indulge in good causes and make a difference to your world. Such practices keep the heart brimming with fulfillment.

The Beautiful SELF

Wholesome living and being healthy is not just about our body. It is about the delicate balance among body, mind and heart. Your SELF, and even others around you, are chirpy and healthy when these three are in balance. It is about  indulgence in everything in moderation, not abstinence. 

To live forever is another fantasy but living more each day can be a reality. In a long journey, a healthy car does matter. But who sits next to you, how thrilled you are in each other's company and where all you go matters even more!!

Is it possible to pursue happiness if the pursuit itself does not make you happy? - Deepak Malhotra

Appreciation and Gratitude

Your smile touched ears, body developed goose bumps, heart paused to savour the moments and mind didn't care interpreting the true words. Or you were left somewhat embarrassed too. Every word was about you – just about you – soaking your being and energizing the soul.

Showers of genuine appreciation and gratitude! When did you last experience them?

When The Stream Dries Up

As we go about our day, our actions and behaviour impact the world around us. When the impact is not to the liking of others, it is always noticed. This is due to our strong affinity for dislikes. They spring to life instinctively at the slightest sign of uneasiness, inconvenience or unpleasant experiences and are often shown too. We don't get used to them. Remember how we are unable to get away with our mistakes, flaws or irritating-yet-harmless actions, be it at home or outside? When repeated, people quickly run out of patience and don't hesitate to give us a piece of their mind.

Now, on occasions when we do manage to showcase something good, stream of their words dries up. It produces a mere trickle - "Thank You". They quickly get used to it, start taking for granted and its recurring display generates no emotions.

The Occasional Speakers

Things are not that bad either. Others do indulge in wishing, congratulating and showering us with occasional droplets. On a personal level, we are 'entitled' to couple of special days in an year when we are pampered and made to feel special. These are our anniversaries - weddings or birthdays. In office, when we switch projects/jobs, 'farewell-speakers' grab that opportunity to explain how extra-ordinary we were, list our 'supermanic' abilities and how much we would be missed. Annual appraisal is another ritual.

Is that all? Think about it. Are we really NOT doing anything worthwhile throughout the year for persons around us?

Flipping the Coin

Flip the coin now. How about this-

When was the last time we showered someone with genuine appreciation or gratitude? Try recalling. Spend a moment about persons in our lives and what they mean to us. Think about their favours, gestures, executing daily chores for us and living up to our expectations. Or helping us in pursuit of our dreams, shouldering our load. Or inspiring and changing our lives. Or giving us memories we cherish even today. Or standing up for us in our absence. Or smiles, lighting up our mood, wink of eyes. Or giving us company and listening to our ramblings. Or simply being there. And many more.

Why do WE forget them? Why do WE wait for special days or even for them to leave us before we realize their worth?

Even our own indulgence in appreciation remains occasional. Our unawareness - "It never occurred to me" - is a big reason as we too take others for granted. Some of us actually feel embarrassed expressing gratitude (too formal) while others have "They know it" attitude. Sometimes, we may lack the courage as it would require acknowledging our own shortcomings. Worse is the case when we look for "What is in it for me?" and nourish "Mentality of Scarcity".

The Walk Beyond Regret

In many simple every day scenarios, we actually get to choose between an expression of regret-and-gratitude or just regret. Sadly, all of us choose to express mere regret and then stop just there. One such recurring scenario is-

What do we say on being late for an appointment? A "Sorry" or "I'm sorry for being late" or its numerous variants? They all express just our regret and miss something very basic. They do not appreciate the generosity of the person who waited for us. We never go on to add, "...and THANK YOU for waiting for me". How unfortunate that we feel lighter just by shedding our regret and fail to appreciate others' generosity.

Color the Lives

People rightly believe that their presence and actions make difference to our lives. When we express gratitude, it validates and reinforces that belief. It strengthens our bond, brings a sense of fulfillment, joy and freedom. By taking others for granted, we are being insensitive and unkind to them. The least we can do is express gratitude.

Let us not wait for an occasion to celebrate their presence. Rather create one to surprise them, embarrass them, overwhelm them and share their goodness stories with others. Color their lives. Make them feel special. Make them glow. Don’t just be farewell speakers.

People don't remember what you said. However, they do remember how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou